You wouldn't like him when he's angry

Maybe it's just because I hang out in some of the nerdier regions of cyberspace, but I've seen this in several places recently, and it begs for a mention here:

INCREDIBLE HULK PROVOCATIONS
or "Ways to make David Banner angry"

A few of my personal favorites include

• 17. Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, "Oh. I just gave you a lethal injection. Sorry, David."
  


• 19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a Bigfoot impersonator.
  


• 29. Having two mean football players snap wet towels at him and shove him into the steam room which they have turned on to full blast.
  


• 44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him.
  


• 78. Being thrown under a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade float by a mean guy in a gorilla suit who gives David a few kicks for good measure.
  


• 95. Falling out of a plane without a parachute, then being given a parachute
  (which causes the person who pushed him to be told "That guy has nine lives",
  to which the mean person responds by pulling out a rifle and saying "Yeah, but I
  got ten rounds"), and then having the straps to his parachute shot off when he is
  still 30 feet above an empty house so that he falls through the roof and hurts
  himself

No wonder he's so pissed off.

I've never really been a fan of the Hulk, and I know I'm not alone on that. I think the above list does a great job of explaining why. To be fair, though, I'm not the only person in America who actually did kinda enjoy the movie, even if it could have used a little more rampaging, a little less family drama, and a lot less Gamma-powered poodles.

But after reading that list, I sort of feel bad for the big guy. Maybe the second attempt at a movie will be a little better for him. He could use a lucky break, but I won't be holding my breath till he gets it.

Meanwhile, in other comics-related news, the recently assassinated Captain America has returned after just ten months. Even for a comic book death, that was quick. Well, technically he's not actually back from the dead (yet), but has been replaced by his former sidekick James "Bucky" Barnes. Bucky should know a thing or two about death, since he was killed by the Nazis way back in 1945, and remained dead until he got better in 2006.

Strangely enough, in the world of comics, coming back from the dead is far less miraculous than someone who dies and stays that way for a whole 61 years. It's just a matter of time before Uncle Ben (dead since 1962!) turns up and doubles Spider-Man's reasons to be a complete freaking idiot.

I'm all a-tingle with glee! (Friday WTF)

Welcome to the second installment of the Friday WTF. This week's item is from an epic saga of love, greed, and racing cows.



For more information on today's Friday WTF, visit your local library, or just click here.

What's in a name?

I happened to see an entertaining article in the paper today: Hall of Names, featuring some memorable nicknames of Hall of Fame baseball players. (The occasion for the article, of course, is the recent election of pitching great "Goose" Gossage to the Hall of Fame. Congratulations Goose!)

Here are a few of my favorites from the list:

• James "Cool Papa" Bell - also famous for claiming that he was so fast "he could turn out the lights and be in bed before the room got dark".
• Joe "Ducky Wucky" Medwick - Ducky Wucky? Seriously? You'll never convince me that Medwick actually wanted that on his official plaque in Cooperstown. He must have lost a bet with Tommy "Itsy Bitsy Spider" Conrad or something.
• Charlie "Old Hoss" Radbourne
• George "Highpockets" Kelly
• Frankie "The Fordham Flyer" Frisch
  
• Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown - Besides the fact that "Three Fingers" sounds more Mafia than Major League, how can you even try to improve on a name like Mordecai Brown?
  

And of course, my new personal favorite baseball name:

• AMOS "THE HOOSIER THUNDERBOLT" RUSIE

The article only lists those players who actually had their nickname included on their Hall of Fame plaque. Thus it leaves out nicknames of legendary players like Ty "The Georgia Peach" Cobb, "Hammerin' Hank" Aaron, or Lou "The Iron Horse" Gehrig, who didn't put their names on the plaques. Nor does it include great non-Cooperstown nicknames like:

• Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky
• Roger "The Rocket" Clemens
  
• Whitey "The White Rat" Herzog
• Fred "Crime Dog" McGriff
• Randy "Big Unit" Johnson
• Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas
• David "Big Papi" Ortiz
• Barry "Big Cheater" Bonds.

(OK, so I made that last one up, but you get the idea.)

ABOVE: Barry Bonds, before and after discovering
new and innovative uses for "linseed oil".

"Shoeless Joe" Jackson and Pete "Charlie Hustle" Rose were, of course, excluded because they are permanently banned from the Hall of Fame. Legendary commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis was also excluded because, believe it or not, that's his actual name. But how, for the love of God, could the makers of this list forget the great "Catfish" Hunter?

Friday WTF

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This post is dedicated to Frau's lovely and talented sister, who unintentionally gave me the idea. Try not to hold it against her.)

Welcome to the Daily Marmoset's new weekly feature, The Friday WTF. Think of it like your "Moment of Zen", but with less of a point. Just to give you something to ponder over the weekend, behold the following:

Who's Laughing Now?

An article on Yahoo News just caught my attention, mostly for its memorable headline:

Don't Send in the Clowns

According to the article, a new University of Sheffield study found that "clowns are universally disliked by children". How universally? Well, 250 patients (ages 4 thru 16) in a children's hospital were polled on whether they liked clowns, and the kids unanimously voted NO.

The researchers in the article sound surprised by this. Apparently they've never heard of Stephen King.

ABOVE: Come on, everybody loves
child-eating extradimensional demon clowns!

Or the Simpsons.

ABOVE: After this, it's a miracle that Bart can
still live in the same city as Krusty.

Or Batman.

ABOVE: I would absolutely LOVE to hear
the people of Gotham City's thoughts on clowns.

NOTE TO THE MARMOSET: While doing "research" (for lack of a better word) for this post, I googled, among other things, "fabulous Schwinn bicycle" and "crisp 50 dollar bill". No such luck.

Dark Knight

As you may have noticed, a new year is upon us, and among other things that means new movies to look forward to. Personally, I'm holding my breath until July 18, when the new Batman movie is released.

I've seen the thoroughly awesome trailer on Yahoo movies, and it looks to be at least as promising as Batman Begins. I'm not all that interested in combing the web to put the plot together months in advance as some people do, but as a comic book nerd, I have a weird hunch that this, being a Batman-versus-Joker story, will borrow at least a few bits from Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke". Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with that - several of Batman Begins' coolest parts were lifted straight out of Frank Miller's immortal "Batman: Year One". I just hope it's not some half-baked attempt to stretch "Killing Joke" into a whole movie. Alan Moore-based movies, after all, do not have the greatest of track records.

ABOVE: Heath Ledger, looking like
he's had a Very, Very Bad Day.

In preparation for the movie, you can read the Gotham Times online. Or, you can just enjoy the following: Dark Knight, 1966 Style.



All hail Adam West.

Happy New Year

New years are always so disappointing. We're over a week into 2008, and it still looks exactly like 2007. Stupid future, never gets anything right.

Anyway, while we're waiting for our flying cars, we might as well do the obligatory Year in Review thingy. And when I say "obligatory", I mean exactly that. It seems to be the law of the Internet that everyone has to do a "Top 10 _______ of the year" list of some kind. You think I'm kidding? Time put out a list of their Top 50 Top 10 Lists, for God's sake.

My personal favorite is Entertainment Weekly, who recently released their Top 25 Sci-Fi Shows & Movies of the last 25 Years. Then, just to make sure the idea is fully beaten to death, they also released the list of shows that didn't make the cut.

But I guess the future isn't all bad. I'm now officially friends with Thomas Jefferson, thanks to the miracle of Web 2.0. There is a new science fiction blog called I09 that will probably consume my soul with entries about things like Mega Man, Dr. Who, and the Watchmen if I don't delete it from my bookmarks immediately. There is also the new (and very funny) blog of rejected Shoebox greeting cards, where I found the following:

ABOVE: If they actually made this card,
I would send it to the Marmoset on his birthday
every single year for the rest of his life.

So I guess 2008 has that going for it.

But perhaps the best thing about 2008: it's not 2007. Cracked.com ably sums up the year that was in their article 2007: Seven Things We Should Pretend Never Happened, as well as their video report, The Year in Douchebaggery.

Last but not least, and purely because I can, I leave you with this: