Not speaking Japanese probably makes it better (Friday WTF)

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I wonder how many hundreds of video clips are out there on the Web that would fit this title equally well?)

Here's a very special Friday WTF video for a very special Friday:

Monday Mola Ram!!!!!

It's an ad for Urbana Public Television, but it seemed appropriate in light of the new Indiana Jones movie.






And if anybody knows where to get a Mola Ram action figure, please do share.

The Legend of Joey "Stinkeye" Smiles (Friday WTF)

This week's Friday WTF is an important lesson on one of the darker chapters of American history. It comes from "Hobo Matters", a PBS documentary narrated by the great John "I'm a PC" Hodgman.



Note to the Marmoset - I hope you will find a way to include this film in your curriculum next year.

Schadenfreude-tacular, part 2

NOTE: This is the second half of our series of Schadenfreude stories, or news items that make me rejoice in the misfortune of others.

A random comment by the Frau the other day reminded me of the Tiger Spot, the funniest and most expensive eyesore in central Missouri. There's no time for the full, detailed history that I would love to write, so that will have to wait for another day. Basically, it was unveiled by local artist/crackpot Paul Jackson in October 2001, severely damaged by Mother Nature in December 2001, and has been either falling apart or under construction ever since.

Anyway, after a check on its more recent history, in 2006 Chancellor Brady Deaton finally threw in the towel and called for its removal. Paul Jackson apologized, and in August 2007 the Tiger Spot was covered up by a very tasteful white tarp.

ABOVE: Yeah, that's much better.

In February 2008, the Maneater, MU's student newspaper, printed an uncharacteristically thorough and well-written report on the Tiger Spot saga. As a mildly bitter former employee who knows some of the people involved, it was a most enjoyable read.

Anyway, according to a follow-up report printed a month later, the new plan is for "a 12- to 20-foot wall to take Tiger Spot’s place." So the mosaic that has been blocking pedestrians' way for almost eight years is to be replaced with a wall???

Now that's what I call progress.

In other Columbia related news, the YouZeum has finally opened. It has officially replaced the Maneater as the most badly-named thing in Columbia.

Schadenfreude-tacular, part 1

NOTE: This is the first in a two-part series of stories about the sufferings of others that brought me an inordinate amount of enjoyment today.


Lou Pearlman, the evil mastermind who unleashed the boy-band craze of the late 90s onto the world like a plague of locusts, is going to prison. While creating the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync should be reason enough for his incarceration, the actual reason is that he has stolen over $300 million from investors over the last three decades.

ABOVE: I would typically caption this
by saying either Bye Bye Bye or N*Jail,
but various other articles beat me to it.

And it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. To quote the article:

U.S. District Judge G. Kendall Sharp noted that many victims were Pearlman's relatives, friends and retirees in their 70s or 80s who lost everything.

"The sympathy factor just doesn't run very high with the court," Sharp said.

The judge's "sympathy factor", however, was just enough to allow Perelman the chance to make it right: his 25-year sentence will be reduced 1 month for every $1 million he returns to the innocent people he screwed over. To this end, he Pearlman had an Ebay auction of some of his treasures. (sorry, it's closed now)

Going Postal

Uwe Boll, the German filmmaker known for making video games into atrociously bad movies, is branching out a little. In his newest movie, Postal, he turns current events into an atrociously bad movie.

Yes, Uwe Boll is trying his hand at, God help us, political satire. According to the plot summary, Postal is about a guy named Postal Dude, his wife named Bitch, and his crazy cult-leading Uncle Dave. Postal and Dave try to rob an amusement park, do battle with the Taliban, and then "Things spiral out of control when Osama Bin Laden is forced to call in his friend George W Bush as back up. " Wow.

ABOVE: Why yes, that is a photo of George W. Bush and
Osama bin Laden holding hands. Why do you ask?

(On the plus side, there are lots of monkeys and midgets. But is that enough to make up for the rest of this? I think not.)

Simply put, we as a civilized society cannot allow this to continue. This is why a website called Stop Uwe Boll has launched a petition asking Boll to please, in the name of all that is holy, quit making movies. Surprisingly, Mr. Boll has agreed that if one million people sign the petition, he will retire. (Whether or not he'll keep that promise, of course, is a separate question. But still it's worth a shot.) The petition has, as of this writing, 280,332 signatures.

As an added incentive (but do you really need more reasons to sign???), Stride Gum is offering to give away a million free packs of gum if the petition reaches a million signatures.

It's the least he could do.

You may have seen this already, or maybe not, but either way it's worth noting. There is far more truth here than there should be:




He is absolutely not kidding. Smiling, yes; but kidding, no.

Mastodon Monday!

This is a lesser known hit, "Iron Tusk":



Aw, who am I kidding? As if any of their "hits" are better known.

Able was I ere I saw Elba (Friday WTF)

I've never been a particularly big fan of Bob Dylan, but I do love this week's WTF video. It's the greatest fake Dylan performance since Walk Hard:



Good old Weird Al. For a more in-depth look at the lyrics, click here.

I know, I know

I know that both of our fans dislike political stuff, but the new bin Laden tape touched a nerve, so here's a quick, concise, fact-based rant:


(Photo from Reuters)

Reuters:
"The authenticity of the tape could not immediately be verified but the voice sounded like bin Laden's."

Fox News:
"The authenticity of the message could not be verified, but it was posted on a Web site commonly used by Al Qaeda and the voice resembled the one in past bin Laden audiotapes."

ABC News:"The authenticity of the tape was not immediately confirmed by U.S. officials, but people familiar with bin Laden's voice said there was no doubt it was his."

United Press: "Western analysts on Friday were attempting to authenticate an audiotape thought to be from Osama bin Laden and containing anti-Israel threats."

Me: He's dead.

Institutionalized

I spotted a magazine at the supermarket yesterday and was intrigued by the cover story. Being curious but cheap, I made a mental note and found the article online today:

101 Things Every St. Louisan Must Do

Being born in St. Louis, and having lived here for roughly 2/3 of my life, I figured I had most of these in the bag. And of course, a lot of the obvious ones -- the Arch, Union Station, the penguin house at the Zoo (although not, strangely, the rest of the Zoo) -- I had done any number of times.

But after counting it up, I was mildly surprised to find out that I've never done 50 of the 101 things on their list. Many of these I've never heard of; where the hell is Sioux Passage Park? Many others hold little or no interest for me, like the Casa Loma Ballroom or lunch at the Zodiac Room in Frontenac (ask me again in 40-50 years, maybe).

But I was surprised at the number of Saint Louis Institutions (my wife's favorite word) that I, to my lasting shame, have never experienced. See #s 34, 48, 61, 72, and (believe it or not) 96 to see what I mean.

Monday Motorhead!!!!!!!!!!!

With a bit of Young Ones, to boot!



And if you haven't seen Lemmy's cameo from Airheads, you should.

Some balls are held for charity... (Friday WTF)

As a product of the 80s, being raised on a steady diet of Voltron, ninjas, and Nintendo, Japanese pop culture has probably had more of an impact on me than I realize. Even so, I only had a very passing familiarity with one of the most popular characters in Japanese folklore, the tanuki. Tanukis are magical raccoons who love to eat, play tricks on humans, and are thoroughly adorable.

They are the subject of a well-known (in Japan, at least) children's song, and the great Japanese filmmaker Hayao Mayazaki even made a wonderful movie about them. So why did they never catch on in America? Well, I have a guess. Two guesses, in fact, which brings us to our Friday WTF video:

EDITOR'S NOTE: Please watch the following with caution. Especially if (a) you don't know where this is heading, or (b) if you have eaten in the last hour or so.



For more information on tanuki, and the apparent source of their powers, please consult the experts at AC/DC.

How the mighty hath fallen (Friday WTF)

This edition of the Friday WTF brings you a little trip down memory lane.

The year was 1989, and the Lee brothers were on top of the world, starring in the greatest fighting game ever. Sadly, their run couldn't last forever:

NOTE: This video, for some reason, might be a little slow in loading.