Going Postal

Uwe Boll, the German filmmaker known for making video games into atrociously bad movies, is branching out a little. In his newest movie, Postal, he turns current events into an atrociously bad movie.

Yes, Uwe Boll is trying his hand at, God help us, political satire. According to the plot summary, Postal is about a guy named Postal Dude, his wife named Bitch, and his crazy cult-leading Uncle Dave. Postal and Dave try to rob an amusement park, do battle with the Taliban, and then "Things spiral out of control when Osama Bin Laden is forced to call in his friend George W Bush as back up. " Wow.

ABOVE: Why yes, that is a photo of George W. Bush and
Osama bin Laden holding hands. Why do you ask?

(On the plus side, there are lots of monkeys and midgets. But is that enough to make up for the rest of this? I think not.)

Simply put, we as a civilized society cannot allow this to continue. This is why a website called Stop Uwe Boll has launched a petition asking Boll to please, in the name of all that is holy, quit making movies. Surprisingly, Mr. Boll has agreed that if one million people sign the petition, he will retire. (Whether or not he'll keep that promise, of course, is a separate question. But still it's worth a shot.) The petition has, as of this writing, 280,332 signatures.

As an added incentive (but do you really need more reasons to sign???), Stride Gum is offering to give away a million free packs of gum if the petition reaches a million signatures.