Third World money and my bank account. What could go wrong?
Like most Americans, I look at the plight of suffering people in Africa and I want to help. Also like most Americans, I would prefer that "help" to be something highly illegal that will make me rich in the process.
That's why, when someone claiming to be a Nigerian government official emailed me asking for my bank account numbers, I jumped at the chance. Won't the Frau be pleased to know that I'm making us millionaires, helping others, and defending Freedom (or Freedom's money, at least) at the same time? And all for the low low price of money laundering. It will be so awesome to be an international crime lord. I'll be like Al Pacino in Scarface, except he sold drugs instead of laundering money, and his story didn't exactly have the happiest of endings, but you get my point.
At first, I'll admit I was a bit suspicious when a complete stranger offered to give me money just because nobody else wanted it. It's always been my experience that gigantic amounts of unclaimed money don't have to look very hard to find a home. The simple eloquence of the Nigerian general convinced me of his sincerity.
But then I read about Jock Plenary of the sketch comedy group Kaspar Hauser (no, not that Kaspar Hauser) and his correspondence with a Nigerian judge. It seems there are a lot of Nigerians with more money than they know what to with. (And I thought Nigeria was a poor country. Weird huh?) Anyway, since everything went so smoothly (and so hilariously) with his transaction, I decided to take the plunge. Soon I'll be rolling in ill-gotten Third World funds.
I think the first thing I'll do with ny new fortune is buy something from SkyMaul, a charming publication by Kaspar Hauser (the non-feral one). I've had my eye on a Hitler/Werewolf night-lite for a while now...
In closing, I'd like to thank YouTube for reminding me why Scarface annoyed the hell out of me.
(NOTE: please do not click the above link if children and/or employers are within earshot.)
That's why, when someone claiming to be a Nigerian government official emailed me asking for my bank account numbers, I jumped at the chance. Won't the Frau be pleased to know that I'm making us millionaires, helping others, and defending Freedom (or Freedom's money, at least) at the same time? And all for the low low price of money laundering. It will be so awesome to be an international crime lord. I'll be like Al Pacino in Scarface, except he sold drugs instead of laundering money, and his story didn't exactly have the happiest of endings, but you get my point.
At first, I'll admit I was a bit suspicious when a complete stranger offered to give me money just because nobody else wanted it. It's always been my experience that gigantic amounts of unclaimed money don't have to look very hard to find a home. The simple eloquence of the Nigerian general convinced me of his sincerity.
But then I read about Jock Plenary of the sketch comedy group Kaspar Hauser (no, not that Kaspar Hauser) and his correspondence with a Nigerian judge. It seems there are a lot of Nigerians with more money than they know what to with. (And I thought Nigeria was a poor country. Weird huh?) Anyway, since everything went so smoothly (and so hilariously) with his transaction, I decided to take the plunge. Soon I'll be rolling in ill-gotten Third World funds.
I think the first thing I'll do with ny new fortune is buy something from SkyMaul, a charming publication by Kaspar Hauser (the non-feral one). I've had my eye on a Hitler/Werewolf night-lite for a while now...
In closing, I'd like to thank YouTube for reminding me why Scarface annoyed the hell out of me.
(NOTE: please do not click the above link if children and/or employers are within earshot.)
posted by Skippy | 12:44 PM
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