Who knew Snoopy was a plagiarist?

Now is the time, and God knows this blog is the place, to celebrate bad writing. We at the Daily Marmoset would like to congratulate Dan McKay of Fargo, ND, the 2005 Grand Prize winner of the 23rd annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The contest, hosted by San Jose State University, is the world's most famous competition for deliberately bad writing. The goal is to write the worst possible opening sentence for a novel.

Here is Mr. McKay's jewel of an entry:

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.''

The contest (which, by the way, has a highly entertaining website) is named for Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the 19th Century novelist who is mostly remembered for actually using "It was a dark and stormy night" as an opening line for one of his books. Kudos to McKay and all the other writers for their gloriously painful efforts.