Gee, that's swell

When Frau Skippy and I went to buy a few things from the Evil Empire last weekend, I made an impulse buy of two discount DVDs for a dollar. One of them was three episodes of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet". I'd never seen the show, but my wife (mein Frau, that is) had mentioned before that she had enjoyed the reruns as a kid, so I figured it would be a dollar's worth of entertainment.

NOTE: For those who don't know, "Ozzie and Harriet" used to be the longest-running sitcom in history, until the Simpsons recently broke their record. The four main characters were a real-life family as well as a TV family. The episodes on our DVD were from near the end of the show, when the sons Ricky and Dave were both grown up and married and had dragged their real-life wives into the show as TV wives.

Wow. The early 60s were a magical era. I would now like to share a few nuggets of wisdom I gained from my evening with the Nelsons:

• On any given day, only one member of a family is allowed to have a life. The others are required to hang out and have nothing better to do than whatever the Important Family Member asks of them.
• In the days before cell phones, nobody talked to anyone about anything. They just made plans and then changed them at will without noticing this would affect other people.
  
• Calling his wife to say hello is the most important thing a lawyer will ever do. Ever.
  
• If you hire your own wife, don't turn your back for a second, or else she'll sneak out to go buy groceries. Oh, those silly, useless women!
  
• Secretaries don't mind when you call them and ask them to come back from vacation a week early.
  
• Pleasantville was even funnier than I remembered.
  

The best line of dialogue on the whole DVD, which I will treasure forever, was as follows:

June (Dave's wife): I could fill in for your secretary. After all, I did work in your office before we got married, remember?
Dave: Of course I remember. But Honey, umm, well let's just say that it wasn't your typing skills I fell in love with.

I dare any man on Earth to say that to his wife and see how many of his original teeth are still there when he regains consciousness.

There. I have now given all of you the ancient wisdom of the Nelsons and saved 90 minutes of your lives. You're welcome.

cheers,
Skippy

ps- the other DVD I got was reruns of the 1954 TV version of Flash Gordon. Stay tuned...