Happy Halloween

Have you ever laid awake in bed, wondering what the most common form of horror-movie death is? Lord knows I haven't. But if I had, I'm sure it would now be a great relief to discover that the answer is impaling. This world-changing revelation (which really isn't all that revealing to anyone who's ever actually watched a horror movie.) comes to us courtesy of the Family Media Guide and their new Halloween Horror Review, which ranks the most violent horror films of all time.

I'm sure the Marmoset will be greatly pleased to see his beloved Jason Voorhees take the #1 spot with the timeless classic "Freddy Versus Jason" ranked as the bloodiest horror movie ever. Personally, I lost interest somewhere around Friday the 13th Part 5,612, so I'll have to take their word for it. However, I do have to congratulate Tim Burton for scoring a stellar 27 decapitations in one film.

Surprisingly, second prize goes to Jaws. While this is a beautifully scary movie, it makes me wonder where they found "27 impalements" in that movie, unless they individually count each time they jab at the shark with something pointy. It just goes to show how pointless it is to try and quantify this sort of thing. All the shark bites in the world aren't as creepy as the theme music, and the scariest scene in Jaws is really just three guys sitting around talking.

And now for something really scary: a new reality show I actually want to watch. What a beautiful idea.