While the Frau is away...

As I mentioned before, Frau Skippy, aka my lovely wife, has been out of town all week. Having the house (not to mention the Netflix queue) all to myself has made this a very educational time for me. And so, I proudly present...

Things I've learned while Frau was out of town
(in more or less chronological order):

• My cooking has not improved since my bachelor days.
• The Dead Pool includes a scene of Jim Carrey playing Axl Rose playing a satanic priest. Dirty Harry movies rule.
• Final Fantasy VII has not lost any of its addictive properties. Squaresoft owes me yet another two days of my life.
• Netflix is my best friend, as will become apparent as you read on.
• Kill Bill Part 2 is, surprisingly, not quite as gruesome as the first one, though I really could have done without The Eyeball Scene. Eew.
• On a closely related note, Daryl Hannah doesn't die in enough movies.
• The Punisher probably shouldn't let people know where he lives.
• Come to think of it, the Punisher shouldn't let people know that he lives. When the bad guys think you're dead, live television is not your friend.
• Personally, I liked the Punisher a lot better when he just wanted his kids back.
• Neither Kill Bill nor the Punisher is an especially great movie, but together they make a pretty kickass Sunday afternoon.
• The most important thing I learned on Sunday: never do anything bad, or you will die in a very messy and unusual way.
• Sometimes models are more fun when pieces are missing.
• the inventor of Gorilla Glue is a freaking genius.
• If it weren't for reruns of Cops and MASH, cable TV would have about four channels, and my parents wouldn't watch any of them.
• Dateline NBC should really just change its name to Don't Use the Internet.
• Final Fantasy: Advent Children has shaken my belief that it's impossible to make a good movie based on a video game. While I can't call it a good movie exactly, I really did enjoy it, and everything in it looks awesome. Unfortunately, I personally only know two, maybe three people nerd enough to agree with me.
• Wow, and I thought Cait Sith was annoying before he had a horrendously fake-sounding Scottish accent.

(NOTE: For those unfamiliar with Final Fantasy, Cait Sith is a talking cat in a gold crown and combat boots who uses a magic megaphone to make stuffed animals do his fighting for him. See, you're annoyed already, aren't you?)

• -- Sartre was wrong. Hell is a committee.
• -- The years have not been especially kind to G.I. Joe.
• -- When an 80's cartoon show uses a rainbow of ethnic stereotypes, including Japanese, Native American, and German (?), but apparently can't remember which is which, the end result is more sad than funny.
• -- Without the Frau, my life is phenomemally boring.