The Daily Marmoset

Your Favorite Destination on the "Next Blog" Superhighway.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Robot Apocalypse, 86 years in the making

On this day in 1921, a new play called "R.U.R" (short for "Rossum's Universal Robots") premiered in Prague. The play, by Czech playwright Karel Capek, is mostly famous coining the word "robot", from the Czech word for "slave".

In the play, a scientist created a race of artificial beings to do our bidding. The robots, predictably enough, soon noticed their superior strength and speed made humans easy prey. Before long, they killed almost everyone and had taken the world for themselves.

Of course, this plot has been recycled into God only knows how many stories, from the R.U.R.s of Capek's play to the Twilight Zone to Blade Runner to the Matrix and beyond.

Unfortunately, history has been less kind to Capek's other science fiction epic, entitled "War with the Newts."

ABOVE: Best title ever.

And so was born one of the greatest stock characters of science fiction: the Evil Robot. Evil robots are everywhere in these stories. For every R2-D2, there's a Terminator, and every friendly Asimov-type robot has, well, an unfriendly Asimov-type robot.

I always loved to remind the Frau of characters such as these. Her tremendous fear of robots is such a fun and easy target. But I have to admit that these days, it's getting harder and harder to argue with her. Robots have their own museums, they think we're made of bacon, and, perhaps worst of all, they're taking up precious art history professorships.

And now, this article from New Scientist: Street-fighting robot challenge announced. In brief, the government of Singapore is sponsoring a contest to "build a robot that can operate autonomously in urban warfare conditions, moving in and out of buildings to search and destroy targets like a human soldier."

Just what the world needs. If science fiction has taught us anything (and, truth be told, it probably hasn't), the last thing robots need is lessons on how to kill us; they'll apparently figure it out for themselves soon enough.

Our only hope is the good robots will win out over the bad. Optimus Prime, probably the most beloved robot of all time, has been saving us from evil robots for over 20 years now. And two out of three T-800s end up working for the good guys. Maybe they will triumph over the forces of evil, but harsh experience tells us not to be too optimistic.

Speaking of experience, I want to be Bruce Campbell when I grow up.

And in closing, a new commercial portrays Kevin Federline working in a fast food restaurant, and fast food workers are insulted by the comparison. Beautiful.

Friday, January 19, 2007

The Marmoset lives!

Welcome back Marmoset to the wide world of blogging. It's good to open up the site and see something that I didn't put there for a change.

I also hope that the Marmoset feels better, having vented his liberal spleen. Nothing worse than a poorly ventilated spleen, I always say.

Speaking of which, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Stephen Colbert is a great man.

"If you're an act, then what am I?"
God bless America.

And to close on a completely unrelated note, I found this on YouTube while looking for something else, and it nearly killed me.



That's good stuff. I always thought the old Star Treks were the greatest unintentional comedy show of all time, and now I have proof.

A Note on the "Liberal" Media

Today's Washington Post talks about the ethics legislation that passed through the Senate. But what caugh my attention was the treatment of the fact that Republicans tried to filibuster the bill, to gain passage of an unrelated measure.

We see phrases like:

"Senate Democrats and Republicans broke a difficult stalemate last night"

or

"The measure appeared dead Wednesday night after Republicans refused to allow passage".

Yes, "stalemate" and "refusal." Why not call it what it was? The Republicans--yes, the "Americans have a right to an up or down vote" people--FILIBUSTERED during their first month in the minority.

So what's more amusing?
a) The Republicans who depicted themselves as anti-filibuster couldn't even wait a month
b) The "liberal" media skirts the issue to avoid calling them on it.

You decide.

(PS: Dear Skippy: In addition to this diatribe, I promise to write an amusing blog in the next few days.)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Part 2: the Rich Get Richer

Tuesday afternoon, a couple of hours after posting about my secret underworld dealings in central Africa, I got an email from Mr. Anthony Flower, "Foreign Services Manager" from the eminently respectable UK National Lottery. The message had this tasteful graphic at the top:


Yeah, that just oozes credibility.

And it read, in part, as follows:
Your e-mail address attached to Ticket Number ______ drew the Winning Numbers:_______, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 3 plus bonus.

You didn't think I was actually going to share those numbers, did you? What do think I am, an idiot? to continue:
You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £1,750,000.00 (One Million Seven Hundred And Fifty Thousand Pounds sterling) in cash credited to your file. . . For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claim is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.

This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.
Oh, God forbid there be unwarranted abuse. Typically greedy yet ignorant Americano that I am, I have no idea how much that would be in real money, but it must be a lot. After all, 1.75 million pounds of anything is really, really heavy.

Then yesterday, I got a second message from "Professor Alex Smith Chambers" of the United Kingdom telling me that:

...your funds of US $15 Million has been approved for immediate delivery to you.

It was nice of Prof. Chambers to give me a number in real money. It was even nicer to give me fifteen million bucks for no apparent reason. No scams, no winning lottery numbers, just a nice British chap who wants to give me a shitload of money.

Not that I'm ungrateful to all these people, but I do have to wonder. What is it about me that makes random strangers want to give me their fortunes? And why did I become such a rockstar in England in the last three days?

Maybe this blog is getting more popular than I thought...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Third World money and my bank account. What could go wrong?

Like most Americans, I look at the plight of suffering people in Africa and I want to help. Also like most Americans, I would prefer that "help" to be something highly illegal that will make me rich in the process.

That's why, when someone claiming to be a Nigerian government official emailed me asking for my bank account numbers, I jumped at the chance. Won't the Frau be pleased to know that I'm making us millionaires, helping others, and defending Freedom (or Freedom's money, at least) at the same time? And all for the low low price of money laundering. It will be so awesome to be an international crime lord. I'll be like Al Pacino in Scarface, except he sold drugs instead of laundering money, and his story didn't exactly have the happiest of endings, but you get my point.

At first, I'll admit I was a bit suspicious when a complete stranger offered to give me money just because nobody else wanted it. It's always been my experience that gigantic amounts of unclaimed money don't have to look very hard to find a home. The simple eloquence of the Nigerian general convinced me of his sincerity.

But then I read about Jock Plenary of the sketch comedy group Kaspar Hauser (no, not that Kaspar Hauser) and his correspondence with a Nigerian judge. It seems there are a lot of Nigerians with more money than they know what to with. (And I thought Nigeria was a poor country. Weird huh?) Anyway, since everything went so smoothly (and so hilariously) with his transaction, I decided to take the plunge. Soon I'll be rolling in ill-gotten Third World funds.

I think the first thing I'll do with ny new fortune is buy something from SkyMaul, a charming publication by Kaspar Hauser (the non-feral one). I've had my eye on a Hitler/Werewolf night-lite for a while now...

In closing, I'd like to thank YouTube for reminding me why Scarface annoyed the hell out of me.
(NOTE: please do not click the above link if children and/or employers are within earshot.)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

lost and found

It seems to be a good time for missing things to turn up. Ray Heilwagen of Hannibal, MO recently recovered a wallet he had lost. This wouldn't have been that unusual, except that he lost the wallet in France in July 1944, shortly after he was wounded in combat during World War II.

Then today, the Post Dispatch reported that Paul Thiel of Kirkwood, MO recovered his wallet that he lost on a Colorado mountaintop in 1958. Thiel, now 69 years old, was a 20-year old counselor at a summer camp at the time. Weird, huh?


NOTE TO MARMOSET: Sorry I couldn't
find a photo with Dennis Hastert in it.


On a very distantly related note, Simon Pegg has returned to the movies. (see what I did there?) Creator of Shaun of the Dead, the zombie-powered romantic comedy more commonly known as the Marmoset's Favorite non-Rocky Movie, Pegg and friends have now made a buddy cop movie called HOT FUZZ.


Hmm, not much resemblance there...

Anyway, the highly promising trailer is online now, and the movie comes out in April.

The Hardest Working Statue in Showbiz

In my last post, I forgot to include this photo of James Brown's statue in his hometown of Augusta, GA. The monument is, naturally, larger than life.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Godfather is dead. Long live the Godfather.

I heard about this on the radio this morning: James Brown's Body Remains in SC Home. The Godfather of Soul is currently lying under armed guard and surrounded by all his possessions. This is not because he asked for a Pharaoh-style burial, though come to think of it, that would have been fairly appropriate. Instead, his burial has been delayed while his legion of ex-wives, illegitimate children, and other associates fight over his estate. The rest of the world can only watch in disappointment and hope that James has a less eventful afterlife than poor Ted Williams.

In light of all this, shame on me for not doing a tribute to the great James Brown until now, almost three weeks after his death.

Kneel before the awesome power
of James Brown's hair, circa 1961.


In his prime, James Brown was the founding father of Soul. Some credit has to be given to other artists, most notably the great Ray Charles, but James was the only man who could claim the title of Soul Brother Number One. How many other artists have ever deserved to lie in state at the Apollo?

I could go on about James Brown's contributions to music, the role that Say It Loud played in the civil rights movement (not to mention its role in hip-hop), or how every single pop artist of the last 25 years has stolen his dance moves (though to be fair, most of them probably thought they were stealing from Michael Jackson. That guy damn well better show some gratitude.) And of course, the Marmoset would never forgive me if I didn't also mention Brown's vital contributions in the field of Balboan Studies.

But the simple truth is, James Brown will be missed because his music kicked ass. He was called the Hardest Working Man in Showbusiness for a reason, and so on that note I leave you with this:

Monday, January 08, 2007

All creatures great and small

Longtime fan of science fiction that I am, this article amused me on a variety of levels:
"Scientist says NASA Found Life on Mars - And Killed It".

Actually, that's disappointingly misleading. The article actually says that if NASA's Viking probes had found any life on Mars, those lucky little critters probably would have been killed by the tests that were supposed to detect them.

Speaking of weird, wonderful life forms that may or may not exist, check this out.

click on image to see a larger version,
as if he's not big enough already...

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Herman, the world's largest rabbit. He's 22 pounds of unbridled cuteness, and he looks like the most beautifully Photoshopped image I've seen in a long time. But, believe it or not, he's real.

Never question the mighty power of Snopes. They never lie, except for the times when they lie. Okay, so they distort things a bit to prove a point sometimes. But this is not one of those times, I'm drifting off topic (as usual), and Herman really is that damn big. It's a shame there's no audio for this story, or you'd hear his unearthly cry of "Cheeeese, Gromit!"

On a distinctly less cheerful note, this article was extremely interesting, both for its subject matter and its somewhat surprising author.

Last but not least, mein Frau should be pleased to hear that Unshelved is doing a poster for ALA. For those who are missing out, Unshelved is an outstanding comic strip that takes place in a library. You don't have to be a librarian to like it, but it probably helps.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Random goodies

The other day, Frau and I went to the movies. We saw "A Night at the Museum", which was a lot better than I expected. The movie was funny, Mickey Rooney is pretty intimidating for a 137-year old hobbit, and Robin Williams makes a surprisingly awesome Theodore Roosevelt.

But perhaps the best thing we got to see was this: the Spider-Man 3 Trailer, featuring Sandman, Venom (sort of), and the second coming of the Green Goblin. Glory, glory Hallelujah.

They also showed the Simpsons Movie trailer, which I'd already seen but it's worth watching again.

Also coming out soon is the new Ninja Turtles movie, which I had mentioned a few weeks ago. It also has a pair of very cool trailers. It still looks pretty good to me, though I'm concerned about the apparent absence of Shredder and the usual villains.

At least there are no skateboards
or bottles of Turtle Wax visible.


Speaking of 80s icons resurrecting themselves, they apparently are starting work on a fourth Indiana Jones movie, in spite of the fact that Harrison Ford is currently 64 years old. That makes him five years older than Sean Connery was when he played Indy's father in the last movie. I hope it works out, since I loved the first three movies so much, but I've been hearing rumors about this on a regular basis since shortly after the last one came out in 1989, so we'll see what happens. What the hell, if Rocky can keep fighting in his 60s, why can't Indiana Jones keep fighting Nazis for another decade or two?

While we're on the subject, here are some lost treasures from the age of Indy:

I had completely forgotten about the existence of Sports Cartoons until I stumbled across one on Youtube. I remember laughing my ass off at some of their cartoons as a kid, though I'm fairly sure this wasn't one of them. If the Marmoset is reading this, can you remember what they were?

Also, as a lifelong Nintendo fan, I post this commercial with a curious mixture of nostalgia and shame:



Last but not least, it isn't from the 80s but You Don't Know Jack was always a great game. Now it's also a website with a daily question online. Good stuff.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

New Years and Old Ships

Well, as of yesterday it's 2007, and we all have our own resolutions and such. Since one of mine is to write more stuff, here we go:

For the Frau and I, 2006 was, to put it mildly, an eventful year. For a look back at the year that was, here is the official 2006 Year In Review. (Maybe I don't say this often enough, but God bless Dave Barry.)

Speaking of the past, this article from today's Post-Dispatch made me surprisingly sad: "Romantic" wants to rescue sunken minesweeper.


The USS Inaugural: Then...


...and now.

I had a lot of good memories of climbing around on the USS Inaugural, an old World War II-era minesweeper, on the riverfront as a kid, especially with my Navy veteran grandfather, and I always wondered where it went. Now I know. (zoom out for a better view of its location.)

Apparently this was one tidbit of news that escaped my attention during the Great Flood of '93 (Lord, do I sound old when I call it that). How weird that I vividly remember watching the news as the Burger King boat broke loose and floated away - and nearly rammed a flood gate in the process - but I don't remember anything at all about the Inaugural that night.

The very, very best of luck to Mr. John Patzius in his efforts to raise the poor old minesweeper and put it to good use.