The Daily Marmoset

Your Favorite Destination on the "Next Blog" Superhighway.

Friday, August 26, 2005

It all fits together

As I sit in my lovely bleach-and-asbestos scented basement in a Big Midwestern University (BMU), eating my lunch and thinking of the insane amounts of work that my overlords want me to get done in the next four months, I am reminded of something: the Dante's Inferno Test, an online quiz to see which circle of Hell you are destined for. The results, for me at least, seem to depend on how good/bad of a mood I'm in when I take it. Once on a particularly bad day, I sank as far as the Eighth Circle, home of hypocrites, liars, and frauds. Today, according to the test, I'm bound for Purgatory. Funny though, this basement feels considerably lower than that.

Speaking of tests, the 4Degreez website, which hosts the Inferno Test, also has links to several other interesting quizzes. A good one is the Monkey Challenge Trivia Quiz, in which you compete with a monkey to see who is smarter. My high school biology teacher used to do the same thing, but that's a story for another time. Anyway, I'm happy to report that I scored 44 out of 60, beating the monkey by a full 30 points (out of 60). However, I think I'm going to pass on adding a stylish "I Spanked the Monkey" sign to this blog.

Speaking of monkeys, I was somewhat confused by the news report that the London Zoo now has humans on exhibit. This originally seemed like a great idea to me, but when I actually see it it seems a bit too Twilight Zone-ish. I seem to remember watching a Twilight Zone episode a very long time ago, come to think of it, where children could go to the zoo and trade in their parents for better ones. Even then, the idea of a "people zoo" really creeped me out for some reason. On the other hand, I can think of several people who I would love to put in a pen and watch snot-nosed children throw peanuts at them all day.

Speaking of people who deserve to be locked in the zoo, that brings me back to my boss, which brings me back to my job, which brings me back to Hell. And so the circle is complete, and my lunch break is over.

I am looking forward to next week, when a shortened stay in my dungeon is followed by five days of mystery, adventure, and travel. Well, at least travel will be involved; but mystery and adventure are always possibilities too, I suppose.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

random thoughts

A few very quick bits of news. I am a busy man, you know.
  1. Watched Kung-Fu Hustle last night, it was pretty good. The moral of the story -- be very, very nice to creepy Chinese guys with combovers.
  2. Much as I enjoy laughing at the Frau's terror of robots, as time passes I find it getting harder and harder to disagree with her.
  3. My Google search page now talks like the Swedish Chef. Life is good.
  4. Speaking of Google, long and seemingly hopeless searches have finally borne fruit. Behold our beloved Mascot and two proudest role models:

Like I said, life is good. Perhaps this calls for a few template changes, as soon as I brush up on my HTML skills a bit...

Monday, August 22, 2005

Happy Birthday, Ray

A very special Happy Birthday wish goes out to the great Ray Bradbury, who turns 85 years old today.

Mr. Bradbury's stories are a special favorite of both the Marmoset and myself, not to mention countless others. In fact, I'm sure that he has many fans who never even knew they were fans. For instance, there are legions of Simpsons fans who probably never knew that every time they laugh at Homer altering history with his time machine/toaster ("Stupid bug, you go squish now!") they owe a debt of gratitude to Bradbury's "Sound of Thunder".

Part of Bradbury's appeal to me is his reverence for books and libraries of all stripes, something I certainly can relate to. As a young man, Bradbury spent many hours educating himself at the public library rather than going to college, and it clearly shows. As a librarian, I strongly believe that every library science student should be given a copy of Fahrenheit 451 on their first day. When he recently spoke at the ALA's 2005 Annual Conference, one librarian in attendance mentioned how "scared" she was of the Patriot Act and its possible implications in the future. "Oh, don't be scared," Bradbury told her. "Get mad!" Very sage advice.

But the thing that makes his stories truly special is the way they inject magic into the most ordinary things. Probably the best example of this is Dandelion Wine, one of the most under-appreciated novels in existence. Mundane things in Bradbury stories become miraculous and wonderful, and the wonder sticks long past the end of the story. I'll probably never enter a funeral home without being creeped out by "The Handler", I'm sure I'll never see a carnival or circus without thinking of Cooger and Dark's Pandemonium Shadow Show, and it's hard to watch the news without wishing for a Toynbee Convector. The world is a genuinely cooler, more interesting place because of these stories, and I cannot think of any higher praise for a writer than that.

Happy birthday, Ray, and here's hoping for many, many more.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

And all is right with the world...

As of last night, the St. Louis Cardinals have pulled ahead of the White Sox to hold the best record in the Majors. Meanwhile, the Kansas City Royals lost their 18th game in a row, a new team record. As a former resident of both cities, words cannot express how good this day is for me. Like many lifelong Cardinals fans, I have never fully gotten over losing the 1985 World Series so I always enjoy seeing the Royals suffer. And they've had a lot of suffering for me to enjoy over the years.

Maybe this will be the year for the Cards to finally reclaim the World Series title, as they've been to the series three times in the last 20 years, but haven't won since 1982. They should have won last year, but some freak cosmic accident happened instead. Don't get me wrong, I love the Red Sox. In fact, I love anyone who hates the Yankees that much and who can humiliate them that thoroughly. But they've had 85 years worth of chances to win. Why did they have to do it against the Cards, dammit?

In other news, a very brief political note. I have decided on the candidate I want for our next President. It might not improve things much, but at least he'd be fun to watch. I hope the Marmoset will have more to say on this once he returns from his adventures abroad.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Pinch hitting for the Marmoset...

As you may know, our beloved Marmoset is currently broadening his mind in Germany. Lucky bastard. He will be back in the USA in about a month. Because he probably hasn't see it, I am posting a link on his behalf, since he probably would have if he'd known about it:

Fire Tucker Carlson - courtesty of Greenpeace.org

It was much more entertaining when Jon Stewart got him fired, but this seemed worth posting anyway. Besides, if someone didn't put something different on here, the blog would have to be retitled "Skippy Rambles about Old Crap".

On a final note, as a special treat for our vast (and completely imaginary) legion of fans, I have finally gotten around to adding a picture of myself here and in my profile. It's a drawing that the Marmoset did of me a few months ago.


NOTE: The message on the shirt has been changed to protect the innocent.

Monday, August 08, 2005

But I've still got it, Eddie

According to Wikipedia, today marks the 75th birthday of Betty Boop, who appeared in her first cartoon on this day in 1930. Not many people today are familiar with Ms. Boop's work, except perhaps for her cameo in what may be the finest movie ever made. However, thanks to the glory of the Internet, many of her cartoons can now be seen online. Today, then, seems like a good time to salute Ms. Boop and other moving-picture wonders of the Internet.

If you have never seen a Betty Boop cartoon before, I recommend you look at the assortment of "classic cartoons" on Internet Archives. The main reason these cartoons are so entertaining is their extreme weirdness. "Minnie the Moocher", to give an example, features Betty running away from home, which is understandable after her father's head suddenly turned into a record player. She hides in a cave, which turns out to be haunted by the singing, dancing ghost of a walrus. Yes, I said the ghost of a walrus. Best of all, the walrus is beautifully played by jazz legend Cab Calloway (aka "Curtis from the Blues Brothers", but you already knew that, right?). Calloway also appears-- again as a ghost, for some reason-- in Betty's even-more-bizarre version of "Snow White", in which he sings the classic blues song "Saint James Infirmary", a highly appropriate song for a dead guy to sing.

Internet Archive, in fact, has a number of interesting "Classic Cartoons" that can be watched online. Besides a LOT of Betty Boop cartoons, there are also bits starring Woody Woodpecker, Popeye, and Superman. Of special interest to history nerds like me is "The Eleventh Hour", produced during World War II, which is basically ten minutes of Superman trashing the Yokohama Navy Yard.

Before I close my post on the miracle of online videos, there is one more thing I have to share. If you haven't witnessed it already, the William Shatner rendition of "Rocket Man" is an absolute must-see. I simply cannot recommend it highly enough. I've watched it 5 or 6 times now, and it gets better every time. Among other things, it always makes me envision Elton John weeping into a large and very frilly handkerchief.

POSTSCRIPT: I'm sure Frau Skippy will be commenting any minute now, to remind me that I did not include Shatner's version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" or Leonard Nimoy's "Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" among the treasures of online video. So here is one of them, although I refuse to link to the other, as its very existence is a sin against nature. If you really want to see it, use Google and find it yourself. On the plus side, though, it did show me that there is a man, and only one man, who could play Prince Namor in the movies. You be the judge:

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Back to the future - way, way back

As promised a couple of posts ago, the Frau and I watched our "Flash Gordon" DVD last night. It cost a dollar at Wal-Mart, so I figured it was worth a try.

To fill you in, Flash Gordon was a comic strip that began in 1934 and continues today. It was a landmark in the history of science fiction, telling the adventures of space explorer Flash Gordon who-- along with girlfriend Dale Arden and sidekick/inventor Dr. Zarkov-- travels the universe battling a space tyrant named Ming the Merciless and other various evildoers. The DVD contained three episodes of Flash's short-lived TV show from 1954.

So how was it? Holy crap. Let me put it this way: Ray Bradbury once said that most science fiction writers aren't trying to predict the future, but to prevent it. If that's true, I hope that this show did it's job in preventing the future it shows.

But just in case, let me give you a few pointers on living life in the 33rd Century.

In the future:
  • Everyone except Flash Gordon will hit like a girl.
  • The biggest badass in the Universe will be Flash Gordon, because he is apparently the only living person who knows how to make a fist.
  • Hair dryers, power drills, and caulking guns will be deadly weapons.
  • Flashlight beams can kill you.
  • Women of the future will "fill their heads with astrophysics, atomic science, and electronic phenomena", but they won't be able to find north on a map without Dr. Zarkov's help.
  • The best place to hide a spaceship will be a large, open, sunlit field near a major city.
  • Terrorists will plant gigantic timebombs, then lounge around police headquarters gloating while the cops run around in a panic. Nobody will think to ask the terrorist where it is.
  • They will have time machines that make Napoleon Dynamite's look good by comparison.
  • The planet Neptune will bear a striking resemblance to southern California.
A final bit of advice for the people of tomorrow: if the Mad Witch of Neptune points a very, um, inappropriate-looking scepter at you and tells you it has "the power of ten men", just take her word for it. Also, please try not to laugh when she tells you her greatest creation is called the Brain Machine.